There are times like that for me. Also, you should probably clean the oven. Just saying.
Sometimes I get the feeling that no matter how much people might smile when I'm around, like that mouse, I may not really belong. Of course I also tend to notice that they're a bit more receptive when I am sauced-up. Might be on to something here!
The feeling of OHGODWHATAMIDOINGHERE??? is unfortunately a difficult one to shake. Unlike my online interactions where I'm attention-seeking and silly, in the breathing world I'm shy, attention-seeking and silly. And while before I get to the situations, I think to myself that going along to something will be awesome, when I'm there I think.. well I already said that. But to elaborate more, "Will this never end?" also crosses my mind.
People freak me out. Possibly even you.
It's not that I think people are staring at me, like I'm the star of some really shitty Truman Show, cause that would be egotistical and wouldn't gel with my self-esteem deficiency.
But why does it look like they're looking at me?
You ever go for a walk somewhere random and see people staring at you like you're going to destroy the universe or they're time-travellers or something? Where do they even get these ideas???
Then there are times when my personalities WANT attention. They crave it, like a mouse wants the leftover pizza that's in the oven despite it probably being a trap, and SOMEHOW FREEZE! Those are the days when I think I'm looking good, or on a sugar high from candy. It always seems like SUCH a WASTE to go home when I feel like that, but then I never know where to go.
Sometimes I get the feeling that no matter how much people might smile when I'm around, like that mouse, I may not really belong. Of course I also tend to notice that they're a bit more receptive when I am sauced-up. Might be on to something here!
The feeling of OHGODWHATAMIDOINGHERE??? is unfortunately a difficult one to shake. Unlike my online interactions where I'm attention-seeking and silly, in the breathing world I'm shy, attention-seeking and silly. And while before I get to the situations, I think to myself that going along to something will be awesome, when I'm there I think.. well I already said that. But to elaborate more, "Will this never end?" also crosses my mind.
People freak me out. Possibly even you.
It's not that I think people are staring at me, like I'm the star of some really shitty Truman Show, cause that would be egotistical and wouldn't gel with my self-esteem deficiency.
But why does it look like they're looking at me?
You ever go for a walk somewhere random and see people staring at you like you're going to destroy the universe or they're time-travellers or something? Where do they even get these ideas???
Then there are times when my personalities WANT attention. They crave it, like a mouse wants the leftover pizza that's in the oven despite it probably being a trap, and SOMEHOW FREEZE! Those are the days when I think I'm looking good, or on a sugar high from candy. It always seems like SUCH a WASTE to go home when I feel like that, but then I never know where to go.
There's no equivalent of an oven around.
Some might call these two different reactions a contradiction, but they're wrong because shut up.
I am finding my place in the world - there's equivalent hangouts that won't cook me frozen. Also, I hate the weather when it's too hot for jackets or jumpers and too cold for not. Maybe that's what happened to the mouse - silly bugger forgot his wittle mouse outfit.
~T
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